My sister's friends came over to my house for their project meeting and they were teasing each other and giggling away when I noticed the smiles on their faces. The smiles that reminded me of the good old days. The carefree and joyful life that i once enjoyed. I dont know why but hadn't been able to have a heartful laugh for the past few months. Dont think its raging hormones again.
Sometimes it makes me wonder is it worth it? I work harder than other people but my pay was much lower than them and all these dwells down to the only piece of paper that i dont have. Yes. Qualification indeed.
I was once at the junction of my life again. Counting down 2 days to the opening application date. I wasnt sure whether will i be able to cope with the challenges. I wonder will i make a right choice again cos i dont wish to regret. The contract is going to take up 8 years of my life. I just dont knoe whether am i suitable for the job. But due to circumtances, i believe this shall be the best route for me. On the other hand, i am afraid of rejection. Its going to be my second time applying. I certainly dont wish that i will get the rejection letter again cos it hurts.
I wish for someone by my side but looks like the people around me are slowly leaving for their own good. I yearns for someone who will at least give me some mutual support but it turns out that i was hurt time over time. There is no point yearning for someone that dont give me back the feeling anymore...
Anyway, human proposes, heaven disposes. I shall see what will happen eventually.
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9:18 PM
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Recently recalled an article based on a true story which i read from one of the magazines. Its about an complicated relationship between a guy and a lady of which for convenience sake, i shall change their names to A for the lady and B for that guy. A and B are both in their twenties and they used to work in the same place. A used to dislike B very much due to his arrogance and partly because of the gossips that A used to hear from her other colleagues about his bad points so on and so forth. However after working for some time, both of them started to realise they actually shared quite a number of same interest and coincidently they can actually read each other's mind at times. Hence this brought the two of them closer together and A began to accept him as her friend.
Things were as per normal until B started talking about dates and relationships. At first A wasnt aware that B is actually trying to hint at her but one day A finally accepted his invitation to a date and it was A's first date. The date was followed by several other outings. However things started to become complicated and after sometimes B became quite cold to her and A eventually found out that he even tried his luck on other girls. Although A was hurt, A acted as if nothing has happened between them because A was confused. Actually, she wasnt sure whether are they just friends or is she really interested in him.
However one day A finally sorted out her feelings cos B doesnt turns out as what she expected of him as B being totally unaware of A's feeling started telling her about a girl that he met and what they did during the outing. Although A kinda hinted to B that its a date, B insisted that its more towards a outing with a long lost friend rather than a date. And the most dramatic thing that i found of A is that she actually encouraged him to date the girl and even told him the places that he could bring the girl to. After all A began to realise that they dont suit each other and it would best in interest for them to remain as friends and shortly after both of them left the work place putting to an end of the entangled relationship.
Anyway after reading the article, i just felt sad for the girl but its good that at least she learnt to let go cos the things caught between them shall be never ending and it is also good for her to start afresh in a totally new environment.
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12:06 PM
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Watched the movie, The Painted Veil at Vivo city on tuesday after work. Was abit hectic cos we only manage to reach there by 6.15pm and the show starts at 6.40pm so we got to forgo our dinner. Thumbs and toes up for romance lovers and i love the story line and settings. Although the story line is quite typical of a normal romance story, i jus love it cos its simple and elegant. Haha Anyway i really admired the husband for forgiving his wife for adultery and he is even willing to accept the child when his wife found out that she is pregnant with her lover's child. The women does not love her husband at the first place and her only intention to marry him is to leave her mother as far as possible but on the other hand, its love at first sight for her husband. However, after he found out that his wife committed adultery, he wanted his wife to accompany him to a cholera stricken village or he is going to divorce her on the grounds of adultery. Its until then that the wife realise that her lover doesnt loves her at all and moreover issnt willing to marry her in the first place cos he didnt even care much about her eventhough she is asking for his help to keep her from going to the cholera stricken village. The couple eventually fell in love with each other in the village as the harsh times allowed the two of them to communicate and know more about each other. However the story has an sad ending cos the husband died of cholera.
I just find the leading character the man of my dreams and he is perfect cos first he is a doctor and he volunteered to go to the cholera stricken village to help the poors, next he loves his wife dearly to the extend that he is willing to forgive his wife for committing adultery (dont think normal men will have such a broad heart) and lastly he has this fondness for kids( i jus find men that loves kids very attractive. Haha) Anyway dont tink such men ever exist in our era. Haha
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9:29 PM
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Zhuo Wen Xuan Cao Ge Liang Shan
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1:33 PM
Yipee I jus love this wkend cos i am on leave tmr and i am going JB with my mum again! Haha My colleagues kept teasing me that since i enjoy going to JB so much, i might as well migrate there or perhaps i may meet my prince charming there too. Anyway its just a gateaway, away from Singapore, away to a place where no one knoes me and also away from work and stressful stuffs.
Perhaps the sudden surge of loneliness attributed to that fact that i am too stressed up. Been very busy recently cos our health attendent unfortunately suffered a heart attack and she is hospitalised so most probably she is going to be on MC for 1 month. And that means that i got to cover part of her duties and most importantly our audit is coming in early March which means double work, double trouble and double stress. Anyway it looks like there are lots of things to do myself, including washing the staining machine, pump the alcohol, preparing stains, printing labels, tidying up the cabinets and on top of that i also got to do the processing of specimens. Oh my god, dont knoe how am i going to cope. Wish me good luck man!
Anyway jus manage to finish another novel. This time round is "My sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult. I can say its quite a interesting book cos it somehow got me thinking about civics and moral choices. The story is being set on this thirteen yrs old girl who is being brought to the world by her parents with one objective which is to save her older sister who happens to suffer from leukaemia. From the day she is concieved, she is being genetically designed so that her stem cells and bone marrow are suitable for her sister. Although she is not sick but by the age of thirteen, she has undergone countless surgeries, transfusion and injections to help her sister. However one day she decided to sue her parents for her moral rights as she is unwilling to donate her kidney to her sister who this time round suffered from renal failure. Being caught in a dilemia, she is not sure whether is it right to sue her parents for invading the rights of her own body or is it right to donate one of her kidneys so that her sister will be given another chance to live. Anyway this story has a sad ending cos shortly after she won the case against her parents in terms of having her own rights in all medical desisions, she met with a road accident. She eventually died but one of her kidneys was donated to her sister.
Well after reading the story, i just felt sad. Its a difficult decision afterall but she has taken her sister's place to die instead. Anyway if u were to place me in her shoes, i will not be sure of my own position too. How about you?
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10:55 AM
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Hasnt been blogging for a while cos there wasnt much interesting to blog and besides that life is still following the same routine. However, these few days have been an exception cos there is this sudden surge of loneliness in me, been finding myself dragging my feet back home. Perhaps its because i didnt have much social activities and i only manage to use my laptop todae (all thanks to my sis for hogging the computer day in day out for her project excuse of which i actually found her chatting on msn with her friends). Been walking around jurong point and pioneer mall these few days after work, not window shopping but plain walking meaninglessly. I actually find myself walking all the way to jurong point NTUC just to buy a can of condensed milk.
Anyway just read about my horoscope in the coming new year found in the i weekly. For saggitarius people, the coming year shall be a lucky one cos not only am i going to look forward to a change in environment irregardless of study or work, love is going to blossom too. Haha Wow Good year issnt it. Haha But the most impt is still the study prob, i jus hope to throw aside the financial burden that has been weighing down on my shoulders and focus on my studies. Working life doesnt really suits me afterall.
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9:04 PM
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
周传雄
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9:18 PM
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
First i got to apologize that my blog is going to be a depressing one. I've been feeling very depressed recently but think i got to overcome it as soon as possible. Dont think its nice to be so depressed at the start of a new year rite.
Been reflecting on my life recently. Well i can say my life is in a total mess, it looks like majority of the things that happen to me are beyond my means. Think i am total failure, in terms of educucation, i dont have a proper education path other than the poly diploma, in terms of BGR, dont have boyfriend and in terms of finances, i am a poor bloke. Anyway, its a complicated feeling, complicated to the extend that i dont even knoe how to put it into words but i just felt that I am losing control over my life....
Was having a chat with him just now. It looks like things that he planned intially wasnt going smoothly as well (his dreams of having his lab just tarnished) and he has decided to go back after obtaining the cert to settle down. Well.. i have no comments. It looks like each of us have our own plans. In 4 years time, he is going to be med tech at his hometown with perhaps a kid in tow and a caring wife by the side and as for me, most probably i am going to be a aspiring teacher or perhaps i may be overseas once again to further my studies. Anyway no one will knoe what will exactly happen in 4 years time....
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6:38 PM
Monday, January 08, 2007
I am inspired by the seminar! Haha Yes i am happy because i just found a new goal for myself! Well this time round i am going to try my luck again! I shall apply to be a teacher. Yes its no joke. I dont care by hook or by crook i am going to apply for one cos it looks like life is cornering me to a dead end, this seems to be the one of the last few ways for me to get myself a degree without having to spend much and more importantly, it has been my ultimate ambition. I like something interactive and my life in the processing room is getting more and more boring as day comes. Think the day when i eventually drag my feet to work is nearing soon.
However, i was telling my colleagues on how i was inspired and the new goals that i have just found in my life when she kinda "suaned" that i am forever having goals in my life and she will be laughing her teeth off if i eventualy became a cytotech because things doesnt seem to work for me and to end it off she even said that she is willing to give up her seat in the lab for me. Although i knew she was joking but I was hurt by her comments, yes very hurt! Why she was such a wet blanket. I always make a goal for myself because it is what that motivates me to work harder. I wanted to go overseas for my further studies but it looks like circumtances doesnt allow me to do so. And i am a dead serious person, i will always work my way through to achieve the things that i want. Anyway it seems that people arent taking me too seriously but nevermind, i shall prove to them and i shall not talk to her about my views anymore!
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8:31 PM
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
3rd day of 2007 and i am already dead tired. Its the first working day of the year but its a crazy day too! Lots of specimens, lots of conflict in interest and lots of gossips but luckily there is still this layer of sliver lining which i shall not disclose or share it out. Its my little secret. Heehee
Partnered with another colleague todae. Wasnt used to her working style cos she can be rather messy in the sense that she loves to leave things lying around on bench top and i on other hand admit that i am a clean freak so i got to tidy things up after her which can be rather tiring. Other colleagues told me to voice it out but i think it will better to keep quiet and just be a nice working partner since my colleague is quite nice and helpful too. Everyone is not perfect rite so this may be one of her bad points bah.
Anyway think my overseas uni dream is slowly drifting away from me, maybe its time to consider other paths. I'll be going for the teaching seminar on saturday, perhaps being a teacher can be quite a nice choice too.
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9:21 PM
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Started off my 2007 with a kick! Met mc, yc, ch, jia ling at orchard for movie. Intially we agreed on watching The Holiday at Lido but things doesnt always turn out to be expected, end up watching Confession Of a Pain at Cine cos the only showtime for The Holiday is at 6pm. Had lunch at Cafe Cartel and we managed to crap about life recently since we didnt have the chance to meet ever after the graduation ceremony. Glad that everyone is doing well especially mc who is taking her 5 yr double degree in NTU and she even manage to chalk up As and distinction for her modules. As for jia ling, she is also leaving for her further studies at melbourne uni in Feb. Actually i really admired them for being able to study.
Been caught in a dilemma recently, people around me are leaving overseas to further their studies but at the same time, there are also people around me deciding to go private for their degree courses. And most importantly i am beginning to see the reality, furthering my studies seems to be a dream slowly drifting away from me. I was being "banished" into the processing room to do processing only because i told the people that i intend to further my studies thats why they are not keen to train me in other aspects of the job other than doing the simplest processing tasks. Everday seems to be a routine, my job in layman's terms is basically transferring cells from the specimen onto the glass slides to be screened by the pathologist. It seems like there is no future at all and people are making use of me so that they dont have to partner the people that they dont like. I dont knoe wats is happening. I am confused....
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11:32 AM
Its only you
& no one else
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
