Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Sometimes i can't help but have the feeling that i am a total failure. I am uncertain of my future and i have no idea why my life is in such a mess. I admit that i am the kind of person whom will plan for my future. However, it seems that life is playing a trick on me. Everything seems to be in the reverse and they dont really turn out of what i expected.
My cousin used to tell me that heaven is always fair. A person with tight body will likely to look rather ugly or plain and likewise a person with a pretty face will have a bad figure. But to me its seems to be untrue. Neither do I have a pretty face nor tight figure. Although things are already looking quite bad for me, uncertainty of my future and the inability to secure myself a job and a place in local university are adding salt to my wound.
Day after day i saw people around me discussing about their university orientation experiences, their work experiences, relatives and neighbours boasting about how well their children perform in school of which some even asked me what am i doing now or which university i got into and things like that.. However, i'm too embarassed to say a word because i dont have a place to study in local uni and i cant even find myself a job. When i saw news reporters interviewing those recent graduates from NTU, it somehow makes me feel jealous but at the same time envy.. Maybe i can be one of them if i chose the JC route and till now i am still wondering whether i made a good choice. Maybe if i will to go to a JC instead, life will be easier. Anyway, it hurts...
I am tired, really tired... I dont understand why are there so many hurdles in my life. I am not a greedy person, neither do i wish to strike big in lottery nor inherit a huge sum of money from people. I just wish for a decent job. One that enables me to save for my further studies.
I dont understand why people loves to make empty promises. I am sick of it. If all my follow ups have been dragging for a long time and u cant afford to wait anymore, i will be glad that u can frankly inform me. Dont keep me waiting! I am sick of waiting, its making me feel like a useless person. I am sick of life! Really.
i blogged @
3:25 PM
