Monday, June 19, 2006
Today's rainy and gloomy weather seems to fit my mood perfectly. I woke up with a bad feeling cos I didn't have a night of good sleep and the rate my heart is beating is making me breatheless.
Just read one of my buddies' blog. She states in her blog that she intend to commit sucide by swallowing a battery. I'm at loss of words to describe my feelings. It hurts me to see my friend trying to give up her life that easily whereby hundreds of paitients are battling for their lives in the ICU. Life is precious and we shouldnt give it up that easily. I understand that life can be unpredictable and there are many ups and downs in our life but we should try to embrace each challenge in our life and take it as a lesson. Take me for example. I once dreamt of going to a uni straight after my poly studies but it seems that my results wasnt really good for me to qualify for local uni but i took it in my stride and i am ready to work for a couple of years since my parents cant afford to send me overseas. But look at what happened! I failed my ECG pre-employment checkup and for no apparent reason, the doctors started to suspect that i got heart murmur and other heart diseases. All the follow ups dragged for months and i even lost the job i applied for. In the end, i was transferred to another dept and the dept head started to sound kinda unfriendly when i called her. Although she told me that its not my fault but deep in my heart i knew they are blaming me for causing them so much trouble. Looking back at the things that happened to me, i can only tell myself. Its life...
But somehow it seems that the days of worries and frustration has taken a toll of my mental health. Sometimes i just felt that I am suddenly at loss. I dont knoe whether i should have taken this step at the very beginning. Yesterday in the middle of the night, i woke up crying from a nightmare. Tears just continuously stream down my cheeks for no apparent reason. I dreamt of a middle age lady whom face i cant see clearly hitting and pushing me away and at the same time, she is shouting: " u useless girl! U are not fit to work in SGH, go away! go to elsewhere! U are not fit to work with us!" And no matter how i begged her, she just kept pushing and kicking me away. I have no idea why i had this kind of dream, maybe i must have suffered a nervous breakdown....
i blogged @
12:22 PM
